sometimes, i just wished i wasn't so logical. i would like to find somebody else to blame for the state i'm in, not always rationally, "maturely", reasonably acknowledge that i should share some blame for being in a shit hole.

i want to be unreasonable sometimes, when i get so tired. but i don't, and sometimes this irritates me. there are times when i want my own way, but i don't say a word. i wonder why i put up with this. maybe i don't see a point in arguing, in forcing things to go according to my wishes. [ but why don't i refrain from being unreasonable with my family? ]

i hate being so tired that i doze off on the train and some stranger has to wake me up.

努力努力再努力，但为什么好像总是不够好？